A Deft Stroke

These guys at The Lincoln Project know exactly how to twist the knife. Already been sent a letter from a law firm representing Trump and Kushner saying it should be taken down. Unfortunately, Americans have the right to criticize their public officials, which includes using accurate quotes and photoshopping cans of Goya beans out of […]

Why Didn’t Sauron Condemn the Orc Hordes?

From McSweeney’s: Why didn’t Sauron condemn the orc hordes? I’m totally puzzled, you guys. After being asked to comment on the orc hordes maiming and eradicating whole villages, Sauron kind of sidestepped the question and started talking about how orcs actually have great table manners? What does this mean? And then, when later asked to […]

I Am the Undecided Voter

From McSweeney’s: Hello. I am the undecided voter. I don’t feel either positively or negatively about talking to you today. I live in a small house in the direct center of the United States of America, approximately two miles west of Lebanon, Kansas. The inside of my home is perfectly white and black, with simple, […]

A Republican Bloodbath

From The New York Times: Senator Ben Sasse, Republican of Nebraska, castigated President Trump in a telephone town hall with constituents on Wednesday, accusing the president of bungling the response to the coronavirus pandemic, cozying up to dictators and white supremacists, and offending voters so broadly that he might cause a “Republican blood bath” in […]

Hamlet, According to the White House’s Media Team

From McSweeney’s (I am very much enamored with their writing lately): “We thank you for inquiring after the welfare of the Lady Ophelia. Three days ago, we did have a bit of a scare when she went to gather flowers by the brook and was dunked therein by the breaking of an envious willow-branch. Her […]

Project Veri-fake

From fox9: Liban Osman is featured prominently in a video released last week by the conservative media operation Project Veritas claiming there is “massive voter fraud” in Minnesota orchestrated by Congresswoman Ilhan Omar.    In his first interview, Liban Osman tells the FOX 9 Investigators he was offered $10,000 by community activist Omar Jamal to […]

Just Because I Was Mauled by Velociraptors Doesn’t Mean I Haven’t Done an Excellent Job Handling the Velociraptor Attacks

From McSweeney’s : Hello, Peter Ludlow here, coming to you from the Isla Nublar Medical Center here at Jurassic Park. As you might’ve heard, on Friday I was mauled by velociraptors while hiking the Raptor Ridge trail along with several other InGen executives. The fact that even our C-suite has been victimized by these sneaky […]