I Am the Undecided Voter

From McSweeney’s:

Hello. I am the undecided voter. I don’t feel either positively or negatively about talking to you today.

I live in a small house in the direct center of the United States of America, approximately two miles west of Lebanon, Kansas. The inside of my home is perfectly white and black, with simple, opaque furnishings that are satisfactory to my minimal, yet unrelenting needs. I own a modest television, a bed, a chair, an American flag to represent my residency in this nation, and a single wilting rose in a glass terrarium to represent the fact that my interests are impossible to capture.