I Am The Mayor From Jaws, and I am Begging You to Stop Comparing Me to Donald Trump

From McSweeney’s:

It has come to my attention that many of you have been comparing me to our current president, Donald Trump. Some of you are still mad about the shark-related tragedies that took place on our shores 50 years ago, and as a result, you feel it is appropriate to equate my response to that of Trump’s response to the pandemic. Perhaps some of you think this is cutting political commentary. Perhaps others of you simply enjoy rubbing salt in the wound of one man’s greatest regret.

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Do you have any idea what this town would look like if we gave in to the policy demands of every grizzled fisherman with an ax to grind against a shark? We just don’t have that kind of money, people! What do you think this is, Nantucket?