Four Loko is Woke

From McSweeney’s:

You always knew Four Loko, the high-alcohol canned malt beverage that was successfully sued for being too deadly, was bold as hell. Now, more than ever, it’s important for our brand to be woke as well. The youth today are more anti-capitalist and anti-materialist than ever, and they need those perspectives reflected in the products they consume. Well, kids, it’s time to pour your cans of (possibly racist) hard seltzer down the drain and restock the fridge, because Four Loko is officially woke.

It gets better:

The criminal justice system in America is in desperate need of reform. How is Purdue Pharma allowed to reap billions in profits selling opioids while sparking one of the greatest public health crises of our time? Yet a well-meaning beverage company can’t even mix the caffeine equivalent of two Red Bulls with the alcohol content of four beers into one can? Sounds like politicians care more about big donors than everyday Americans who just want to enjoy a relaxing blast of stimulants and depressants simultaneously.

And better:

Did we mention we’re anti-imperialism? We are absolutely that as well. And are we intersectional? Well, our double-fruity strawberry lemonade flavor might have something to say about that. Are we positive we know what these words mean? Just as much as anybody else.